January 26, 2021

Mélanie Boucarut

I used to be angry all the time

Until a few years ago, I had a very poor relationship with my mom. I found her intrusive, disrespectful, unthoughtful – and I’m being polite. She made me feel inadequate. I was so incensed by her ways that I resented everything about her.

Her entourage thought I was the villain: I felt SO wronged! She was constantly poking me and they only looked at my reaction, not her actions! I saw no choice but to cut ties.

Later, I became open to forgive; but I needed a clean slate. I needed her to say sorry for what she’d put me through.

Well. It will not surprise you that she saw the situation exactly as I did, except… in reverse. Me?! APOLOGIZE?!! For HER behavior??!! We lost a few more years.

Anger fuels on the idea of a “Us vs Them”; that “They” stole from us and we should get compensated.

A coach helped me notice how my mom had her work to do, I had mine; how I was choosing to make my mom’s work with her burden mean negative things about me. As I waited to be acknowledged as the aggrieved party, I was making myself dependent of her behavior to feel good.

Now, I believe that my mom loves me, and that she has a… very unique way of expressing it. I feel so special! And I love who she’s raised me to be.

No bad horses. Only untrained riders 🐴

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