January 24, 2021

Mélanie Boucarut

The only emotion I regularly felt was anger

When I first learned about emotions, I was a bit concerned because the only emotion I ever felt regularly was anger.

Oh yeah, sure, from time to time I would feel despair and sob for an hour on a Sunday night.

Or someone would say something nice and I’d feel happy for a minute. But mainly, I felt nothing (just “normal”, you know?) or I felt angry.

Coaching taught me how to really pay attention to what was going on for me. And the funniest thing happened: I noticed that I actually felt TONS of different feelings, all the time!

It’s just that most of the time, I started by feeling angry. As if anger were a bell informing me that some other feeling was about to appear.

When I was a kid, we were always supposed to be strong. Wussies felt vulnerable, afraid, sad, helpless... Not us. Anger was rude, but acceptable, because it showed power.

So I learned to channel all my feelings through anger, so they’d have an outlet.

Now I know how to let the real feelings come up. How to let them through me quickly. How to revert to feeling motivated, engaged, content. Back to what I had planned to do.

And if that means I’m a wuss: that’s fine. I’m a very happy, very productive one 😊

No bad horses, only untrained riders 🐴

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You know that I normally disapprove of eating instead of embracing discomfort, but in this specific case we’ll actually go for cookies...

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