October 26, 2021

Episode 10: Bringing it all together

Today we bring it all together and go over the protocol to apply in difficult situations. You’ll immediately start to see the issue in a different light.

What you will discover

  • 4 lines you’ll want to sing to yourself at all times 😉
  • 5 categories all problems systematically fall into
  • The 5 steps that reveal the solution to any difficulty
  • Issues we’ll solve using this method in coming episodes


Mixed and produced by Adrien Grenier

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Episode Transcript

I'm going to bring it all together and share with you the protocol that you can apply when you are in a difficult situation that will help you see the problem in a different light. Hi, welcome to the Excellent Rider podcast. I'm Mélanie, I'm a certified life coach and I specialize in helping people like you get things done, find ease and motivation again and get unstuck when it feels like you've lost your mojo.

In the past few episodes, I've shared the tools that you can use to manage your thoughts and create the mindset that will get you to reach your goals. No matter how difficult they might be. And no matter the circumstance that you find yourself in. It doesn't matter if you have a difficult boss, or if there's been a reorganization in your company that has left you stranded.

If you have too much to do; if you feel out of your league on a major project; or if your team member is not delivering and you don't know how to address that without being angry and aggressive.  Or maybe it's your character that's at stake: you're very introverted or you're bossy. Maybe you don't have any needed qualifications for the job that you'd like to have.

It literally does not matter what your situation is or what your difficulty is. The tools that I've shared with you will get you to reframe the problem in a way that will make you find a solution.  So today, what I'm going to do is I'm going to bring it all together and share with you the protocol that you can apply when you are in a difficult situation that will help you see the problem in a different light.

But let's summarize what we have seen in the past episodes by chanting together, in a beautiful unison: circumstances are always neutral; your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings drive your actions; and your actions determine your results. So, this is something that you really want to know by heart and you want to repeat it to yourself often enough that it really becomes a habit.

That you know this and that whenever you are in a situation you remind yourself that circumstances are always neutral. They only mean whatever you make them mean by the way you're interpreting them. And your thoughts create your feelings; your feelings drive your actions, and your actions determine your results.

When you're not happy with your situation, it could be because of mainly 5 reasons. So either you're not happy with your situation itself, with your circumstances. For example, you were fired; or you don't know how to speak Chinese; or you are 10 kilos overweight, right? So the circumstances or the situation are something that you're not happy with.

The second reason that you might not be happy with the situation is that you don't like your thoughts. For example, you can't stop thinking about something that someone told you or did to you; or maybe you're overthinking a decision and you cannot come to a conclusion on what to choose. Or you keep on telling yourself that you're not good enough; or that there is no hope for you in a particular endeavor.

The third reason why you might not be happy with the situation or in the situation you are in is because you're not happy with your feelings. For example, you're feeling very stressed or you're filled with anxiety, or you feel resentful or powerless most of the time, and that's very unpleasant.  The fourth type of problem that you might encounter is that you're not happy with your actions.

So for example, you procrastinate, or you keep on eating chips and chocolate when you're trying to lose weight; or you snap at people. So something that you do that you don't like. Or the 5th type of problem that you might have is that you're not happy with your results. So, for example, you've been meaning to get a new job for ages and you're still in the same job;

or you regret something that has happened and you cannot move on; or you are more and more confused about what to do next. So whatever your problem is, this is what you can do. The first thing that you want to do is, if the feeling is very intense – so for example, if you're feeling strong stress, or strong anxiety, or strong anger – but also, if you notice that you're overthinking something;

or you're stuck in thought loops about something; or if you notice that you're rushing to action and you're trying to frantically fix things. All of these 3 things: noticing the feeling; noticing that you're overthinking; or noticing that you're overreacting; these 3 things are a sign that you're feeling an intense feeling.

And so the first thing that you want to do with that you want to lower the volume on this fire alarm in your body and this you can go to episode 9 to hear how to do that. Once you've done that, or if you don't feel that you're overwhelmed by your feeling in the moment when you're contemplating the problem, the next step is to notice what you are believing.

So notice what your thoughts are; and this, I have explained on episode 5. So write down everything that you think about the situation. Then the next step is that you will want to take one of the thoughts that you have written down and to assess it by using the Model.  Meaning that you will analyze what's going on for you by splitting: what are the circumstances? What is the thought?

What is the feeling that this thought creates? What kind of actions do you take from this feeling? And what is the result that this creates for you? And this is what I've shown you in all details in episode 6.  And here you can spend a little bit of time, considering what are the facts of the situation, so what are the circumstances of the situation;

versus what are your thoughts about it. How do you interpret the situation? What do you make it mean? And then the next step is that you will want to find a better angle to interpret your situation.  An angle that creates a more useful feeling for you. And that's what we discussed in episode 7. And one important thing that you can do to find a better angle is to ask better questions.

And this is what we have seen in episode 8. So now, you know how to notice what you believe; assess whether your beliefs are helping you toward your goal or not; if not, find a better belief.  One of the ways you can do that is to ask great questions and you can ask yourself great questions all of the time even when you don't have a problem; and you also know how to process your feelings when they are very intense.

So, all you need now is a little bit of practice and also maybe some more specific help on how to apply this method in specific situations. For example, how do I solve procrastination specifically; or how specifically should I apply the method when I'm snapping at people? Or what should I specifically do with this method when I'm waking up with anxiety?

Or when I'm comparing myself to other people on LinkedIn, or Instagram or whatever. And this is exactly what we're going to do from now on on this podcast. We're going to apply this method to all different kinds of situations and problems, so that you have many examples to inspire you into solving your own situation with the help of these tools.

If you have any question or if there is a particular problem that you'd like me to help you solve on an upcoming episode, just write to me at melanie@excellentrider.com.  If you liked what you heard today, you can go to my website excellentrider.com. That's Excellent Rider in one word dot com and get the episode notes. They are organized in a structured way that makes them easy to remember;

and there are additional exercises and illustrations that you don't get in the audio.  If you really liked what you heard, go to your podcast platform and leave me a review. You can Google it if you're not sure how to proceed.  This helps the podcast be more visible, which means that it will be easier to find for other people who need to hear exactly this message.

And it's also a great encouragement for me. If you feel that this information was valuable, it's the absolute best way to let me know. I personally answer everyone who is kind enough to leave me a review.  Thanks a lot for listening today. I hope to talk to you again very soon because you my friend, even when you cannot get yourself to do what you want;

even when you're stuck in negative emotions and unpleasant thought loops; and even when you don't believe it – especially when you don't believe it – you absolutely rock. And you'll soon be an Excellent Rider. There's no bad horses, only untrained riders.

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